Authenticity is the new buzz word that is going around. People are craving what is real and also wanting to live a life that is more true to themselves. In blog post, we will be discussing 5 ways to tap into living a more authentic life.
Would you say you are living your life authentically? What does Authenticity even mean. Google says: “ being genuine and real, aligning your actions, words, and beliefs with your core values, inner self, and true nature, rather than presenting a false or copied version of yourself due to external pressures.”
More and people people are craving real connection. We’re done wearing masks and presenting a watered down version of ourselves. And when you think about, who do you think you are attracting when you are presenting this false version of yourself? More than likely, someone who does not align with you are. And then you wonder why you feel so lonely in a room full of people?
Some of us are so used to wearing these masks, that we may not even know who we actually are. This is the perfect opportunity for you to start connecting back to yourself. This is will take time, but how can you live authentically if you don’t take the time to get to know yourself?
And I get it, it’s scary to think that maybe someone won’t like “the real you.” But life is too short to continue pretending to be someone you are not. Its soul draining. Gone are the days where fitting into a group meant survival. Obviously as children, we depend on our caregivers. But as adults, we get to choose the people we want to have around us.
So if you are ready to start living your life more authentically, here are 5 steps you can take to help you live a more aligned life.
1. Spend Time Alone
In order to start living authentically, you have to remember what you like doing. Maybe you’re used to putting everyone else’s wants and needs before your own. That is why spending time alone is so important.
This is not a time to catch up on your favorite shows or to brain rot on social media. It’s a time to reconnect back to yourself. If you’re not sure where to start, think about the things you used to like doing when you were younger where you used to lose track of time.
Some example could be:
- Learning to play a new instrument
- Going to a dance class
- Joining a Tennis club
- Going to your favorite restaurant
- Drawing, painting, baking
The possibilities are endless. Just pick something and try it out. Soon you will learn how to fill your own cup.
And if you are someone that spends a lot of time alone already. If you decide to join some sort of a club, it gives you the perfect opportunity to show up as your real self and connect with someone that has similar interests as you. Just pay attention and notice if you are starting to put your mask back on. It may be out of habit. But remember why you are doing this. You want real and genuine connections and friendships that allow you to be the real you.
2. Reflection
Start taking inventory of where you are in life right now. What are the things you are happy with and what would you like to change? A really helpful tool for this is The Wheel of Life. It’s a circle with different categories. You can rate each catagory 1-10 and then reflect on each of them. Why did you give them that score? And then decide which ones you would like to work on in the moment.
Morning pages is also a great way to reflect. It’s just a stream of consciousness, where you write 3 pages of whatever comes to mind. It’s from the book the Artist’s way by Julia Cameron. It has been apart of my morning routine for several years. You can look back after a few entries to see if there is anything that is repeating, and then reflect on that.
Also think about some conversations you have heard/had. How did they make you feel? what are your thoughts on them. What parts resonated and which ones didn’t. Did they open up a new perspective for you or was it hard for you to be open minded? Just because we listen to a new point of view does not mean we have to adopt it. If it really resonated, what part about it did? If it triggered you, what about it caused this? Where do you feel it in your body? Whenever you hear or read something like an opinion, really stop and reflect on what it was. What are your thoughts on the conversation.
This will help you to start thinking for yourself rather than just agreeing blindly or disagreeing without understanding why. It could have come from an ingrained belief or a core value. But you won’t know that until you have given yourself the time to ponder on it.
If you have a decision to make, try doing it alone at first before going to others for advice. People can only give you advice based off of their life experience and how they view the world. So make sure that you are going to them as more of a sounding board, so that you can make your own decision rather than being influenced by their “stuff.”
3. Vulnerability
If you want to live authentically, you are going to have to use your voice. So many of us have a hard time sharing our wants/needs/feelings. Sometimes we would rather just not say anything to keep the peace.
But one of the key things to authenticity is honesty. So that means sharing your opinion on something that is important to you. Sharing your feelings when something upsets you. Setting boundaries for yourself and those around you. This doesn’t mean you’re starting a fight. I know a lot of people have a hard time with confrontation, especially the people pleasers out there. But everyone deserves to have their wants/needs met. And those that really care about you will want to hear what you have to say. Because through honesty, you will be able to weed out the ones that don’t. So that you can make room for more genuine connections.
4. Shadow work
How can you expect to live your life authentically, when there are parts of yourself that you are not accepting? You have to be willing to accept ALL parts of yourself. Even the ones that you have labeled as “bad”. Everyone has parts that they are not proud, things they have shame about, different situations that have embarrassed them.
But the more that we try to push these parts of ourselves away, the more they will show up in our lives subconsciously. Whether that’s through self sabotage, different blocks in your life, or destructive patterns/behaviors that you’re participating in. These patterns/behaviors will keep manifesting in different ways until you finally sit down with your shadow and hear what it’s trying to tell you, show you, or help you heal from.
And I just want to be clear that this is not something you are sharing with others. This is simply for you to learn to accept every part of you. Because authenticity is really about self love. Loving every part of yourself fully.
5. Nervous system regulation
As you start stepping into the most authentic version of yourself, you are going to have to figure out how to best support yourself through the process. Being honest with yourself and those around you is going to bring up so much “stuff” that you were not expecting.
You are going to be having hard conversations with people. You are going to have to be vulnerable. You are going to face rejection. You are going to realize that some people really don’t care to know, who you are as a person or who will accept you fully. And that can be hurtful. You are going to be doings differently and disrupting old patterns of people pleasing or doing things to be liked.
Sometimes you are going to feel panicked or scared. This is all normal. It’s very important that you learn how to be your own self advocate and listen to your body to know that something is coming up for you in this moment that is dysregulating. And do the things that will help you get back to regulated.
Some things you can do:
- breath work or deep breathing
- meditation
- listening to music
- singing
- hot/cold shower
- going on a sensory walk
- dancing
- shaking it off
- yoga
- connecting with someone you love
Just learning your body and knowing how to best support it will be so helpful for you on this journey. We have to let it know that it is ok. That you are ok. And you are going to have to be there for yourself. In ways that no one else can be.
It’s not easy to do these things. But life is so much more fulfilling and freeing when you can be your true self and have the genuine connections with people who truly see you and accept you as you are.
