The relationship that you have with yourself is the most important one that you will have. It determines everything in your life. But so many women choose to ignore it. In this post, I am going to share 5 ways that you can start to build a relationship with yourself and make yourself a priority.

 

So many of us look outside of ourselves to try to find answers, to find our self worth. We value our relationships with other people. But so many of us ignore the most important one. The one we have with ourselves. The truth is, the most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself.

Because it’s going to dictate everything in your life.

• It dictates who you allow into your life.
• It dictates the environments you’re willing to put yourself in or deal with.
• It dictates the opportunities you go after.
• It dictates how you let people treat you.

It is the number one thing that determines the type of life you have.

And until you decide to develop one, you’re going to be the doer in your relationships. The person who feels like they have to perform, or do things for other people, or act a certain way just to be accepted. And you’re going to be willing to abandon yourself so you don’t have to be alone. Because that is what happens. If you don’t have a relationship with yourself, you are going to be willing to self abandon for any form of attention, to be validated, to feel like you are enough.

So many of us fear being alone. But when you’re not in the right environment, or not around the right people, you are going to feel the most alone you have ever felt in your life. Because deep down, you know these people don’t really value you or accept you for who you are.

 

What This Relationship Actually Looks Like

Your relationship with yourself is how you show up for yourself.

• It’s whether you keep your word to yourself.
• It’s how you speak to yourself.
• It’s how you set boundaries.
• It’s how you take care of yourself.
• It’s your mindset
• It’s regulating your nervous system.

It’s all of the things that you are so willing to do for other people.

So many of us are willing to throw our goals, our dreams, our aspirations to the side because we feel like somebody needs us. We’ll drop everything for other people, but we won’t do the same for ourselves. And then we wonder why we’re so unfulfilled.

 

When Being of Service Becomes Self-Abandonment

This has showed up for me in many ways. But one way is when I would put my worth into being of service to other people. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I loved feeling needed and it was a way for me to escape from my own problems. So I could go on complaining about how unhappy I was, without having to take action.

I was so quick to drop whatever I needed to do, to go help someone else. Even though I had goals, dream, aspirations, I would just be like, “oh, I’ll get to that another day. I need to go help my friend, she needs me.” And I would get so frustrated with myself because I felt stuck in the same place with no movement. But it was because I was so willing to put others before myself. It became this cycle of self-abandonment.

And I feel like this is such an issue for women. So many of us get stuck in the roles that we play in other people’s lives, forgetting our own wants and needs completely. To be a ‘good’ friend, sister, mom, employee, ect. And that is what leads to you feeling jaded. It makes life redundant. It makes life exhausting. Why is it that you’ll do everything for other people, for your job, but you won’t do the same for yourself?

 

Why We Need to Grow

I truly believe we are meant to grow. To be working towards something that we can call our own. Something that fills your soul up.

You have to start filling your own cup. To bring joy back into your life. To be willing to receive. You have to be willing to develop a relationship with yourself. To create life and joy for yourself.

Because when your life is so focused on other people, you lose yourself. You are not just here to sit in whatever role you feel like you’re supposed to show up as. You are YOU first. Not the roles that you play in other people’s lives.

 

5 Ways to Start Building a Relationship With Yourself

It’s time to get to know yourself. I want to share a few ways you can actually start building a relationship with yourself and making yourself a priority. Because I promise you, when you make yourself a priority, everything you want, the fulfilling relationships, the fulfilling job, the joy, the happiness. It comes when you start to prioritize yourself. It will exude from your very being. And then everyone around you will also see that your are a priority. It’s a domino effect.

 

1. Start connecting with your body.

So many of us are so disconnected from our bodies. And its really not our fault. For a long time, we have been told to ignore any cues that our bodies give to us. But start listening to those subtle cues.

Do it through movement: stretching, dancing, going on a walk. It gets stagnant energy moving, gets your blood flowing, and it’s also beneficial for your mental health.

One thing that helped me was I stopped hating my period. I get it. Its painful and not the most fun part of our month. But the reason I hated it was because I had a hard time resting. I felt like it got in the way of the things that I wanted to do. But why do we feel like we can’t rest? Its because it was taught to us. Your cycle tells you so much about your energy levels. And if you listen to it, you can work with it. Instead of forcing something.

Listen to your body. Respect your body. Love your body. It does so much for you.

 

2. Give yourself quality time alone and make it intentional.

Figure out what you actually need in that time. If your body’s telling you you’re anxious, maybe that time is about regulating your nervous system. If you’ve been working nonstop, maybe it’s about rest or bringing joy back into your life. If you are on a healing journey, maybe you spend some time journaling. It doesn’t have to look a specific way. It’s about listening to what you need in that moment and actually giving it to yourself.

And I would recommend stepping away from the screens. So many of us work in front of screens or have our hand on our phones at all times. Theres a time and a place for watching your favorite movie or scrolling on tik tok. This time is meant to be intentional and reconnecting back with ourselves.

And if you genuinely don’t know who you are anymore because you’ve abandoned yourself for so long, that’s okay. Try things. If something catches your attention, try it. It’s trial and error.

But block this time out. Put it in your calendar. Don’t cancel on yourself because someone else needed you or you got busy with your responsibilities. This is where you build self-respect. You honor time with yourself the way you’d honor it for anyone else. And when you start respecting yourself, other people start respecting you too. Again, domino effect.

 

3. Listen to your intuition.

I was going to put this with listen to your body, but I felt like this deserves its own category.

Start trusting those subtle cues. The ones that don’t always make logical sense but tell you something isn’t right. Maybe someone spoke to you a certain way and it didn’t sit well. Pay attention to that. Have discernment. It will tell you who belongs in your life and who doesn’t. The people who make you feel good, bring more of them in. The people who don’t, let them go.

Please start trusting yourself more. You know a lot more than you give yourself credit for. As women, we were given the gift of intuition. And the more you listen to it, the stronger it will get.

 

4. Acknowledge your own wins, before anyone else does.

It’s always great to be celebrated, it gives us an ego boost. But if you are looking for that external validation to let you know that you have done a good job, then you are going to be on an emotional roller coaster when you don’t receive it.

You can recognize your own progress. You don’t need someone else to tell you that you did a good job. If you know you put effort into something, then celebrate yourself. Give the praise to yourself.

If you need help making a decision, ask someone to ask you questions. To help give you clarity. Because when you start asking for other people’s opinions, it’s hard for them not to put their ‘stuff’ into it.

 

5. Get a Coach/Therapist.

Sometimes it’s hard for us to see our own patterns, or to see ourselves at all. We are so used to looking outside of ourselves, that looking within feels foreign.

Sometimes it takes getting a coach to help you break certain patterns that are keeping you stuck, but also to keep you accountable in doing so. Sometimes it takes going to see a therapist, if there is something from your past that keeps coming up and you need help processing and sitting with it.

Your mental health and emotional well being is very important. And sometimes it just takes investing in yourself and having someone who is trained in your corner, helping you move through your ‘stuff’.

 

Bonus Tip: 6. Learn to forgive yourself

There is no need for all of this shame. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has done something or acted in a way that they are not proud of. If you have grown and you are continuing to try to be a better person, then you can choose to let go of those memories that haunt you. There is no need for them.

Start Small

Start with even one of these. Building a relationship with yourself isn’t an overnight thing. But every time you choose yourself, you’re proving to yourself that you’re worth choosing. And that’s how everything else in your life starts to change.

Because there is nothing more abundant than liking and loving yourself.

And if you are ready to start building a relationship with yourself, but you are not even sure where to start. I help women with exactly that. Together we co-create a life of alignment.

Click here to book a connection call